I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
