On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
