just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
