And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
