yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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