What did we do last night that was yellow?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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