is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
