A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
