I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
