Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
you had me at cake vodka
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
