Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
