I'm gonna have a badass scar
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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