he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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