She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
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I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
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I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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