ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
