No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
