I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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