I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
