you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
