I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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