Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
