Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
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At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
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You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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