Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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