Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
