he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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