I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Boobs are out for the taking
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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