I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
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new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize