final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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