nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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