Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
