Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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