Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
