I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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