I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
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when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
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Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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