OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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