the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
