ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Sorry about my life...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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