I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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