she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
