They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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