When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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