man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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