Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
