My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
