I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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