foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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