On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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