Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
