i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
