Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
