it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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