I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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