He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
