Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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