I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You are the jesus of drinking
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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