You smell like stripper and shame
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize