he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
