i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
