I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
