Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
