my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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